Spiritual Beliefs

I feel like I am trapped between two worlds of spiritual beliefs. I was born and raised as Catholic. I had gone through all seven sacraments as I was growing up. As I got older, I begin to see things differently. For short time I had turned to the darker side of Christianity, and for doing so, I realized that this was something I shouldn't fool with. I don't know if it was all in my mind from the teachings of C.C.D. classes or it was something that was actually evil. So I turned from it and never went back, but was left with nightmares that haunted me for so long. I turned back to Catholic, but started to see things a bit differently than I had before. At one time my mother had came into my room and placed something under my bed. It came from some type of plant that I have never been able to identify to this day. She Also lit a candle and recited something in Latin while rubbing another plant on my head down to my chest and then she will call my full name and I'll answer her by saying I am here. She continued on with this every night before I go to bed and she did this for a whole week. She told me that she was warding away the evil spirits that was haunting me in my dreams. For some time, the dreams went away. She did not use the usual prayer that most Catholics or Christians would use, which is very surprising to me because she is all Catholic. To me, it was some sort type of Witch Craft, white magic. Funny thing though, she is not a Witch. As I had gotten older, my nightmares were not as common as they used to be. In fact, I rarely dream, but when I do, they are just images that I can not make out. Sometimes, my nightmares would come, but not often. So as time goes on and I am older now, I felt that something had been missing in my life. I had talked to many Christians about God and Jesus and did not like or agree with them. They always put themselves above all others and looked down on Witches, Pagans, and Wicca. I know very little of there beliefs and never really thought much about it at the time. From the Catholic and Christian point of view, They are evil people that we should not encounter with. I pulled away from them because as a Catholic, I was taught, never to judge anyone at all, and we don't have that right to do so. Because of this, I strayed away from my own beliefs and became neutral. I am both good and evil and I am neither one. I do good for many people and also do bad to others. My mother even told me that is how she sees me and my sister ( who I love very much ) told me that she always sees darkness when she hears my name ( I had taken no offense to that at all ). It wasn't until a little over a year ago when I met one woman on Face Book who requested my friendship due to a topic about wolves. From her others requested my friendship as well. It wasn't until about a month or two later that my new f.b. friends were all witches, Pagans, and Wicca. They never told me what they are nor have they ever tried to lure me into their beliefs. I was the one who asked questions about their beliefs. They just answered. So now once again, I see things a lot more different than before. I reflected back on my life and realized the cruelty of Catholics and Christians. How they never practice what they preach and hold themselves higher than anyone who is not part of their beliefs. They are trying to force their religion on others and are ready to lynch them if they do not convert. So once again, I feel trapped in between. I find myself moving slowly away from my own religion. As it is, I consider myself a lost wolf who is looking for something that I can't put my finger on. Now I need to figure out what is best for me, what is it do I really want. I refuse to follow others who will not keep an open mind to other beliefs. As it is. The most evil people I had ever known up to this day are Catholics and Christians. This was from first hand experience. Some are okay and I respect them as they respect me same goes for those who are not of any form of Christianity. Maybe some day, I will solve this personal problem of mine and walk the path that I chose. Whatever it may be, I am sure it will be the right one to take. Only I can chose what is right for me. No one can do that for me.